Summary: Life is never like you had planned. Elizabeth has been strong for Jason but has she been doing what is best ? With the New Year about to begin she has to make a descison. This is just a one parter.
Disclaimer: Characters do not belong to me, I just like to play with them.
She was tired all throughout her body, her hands hurt, her arms ached and it took everything within her small body to put one foot in front of the other. This didn't stop her though, no her intent to go see him was stronger than any longing she had for sleep.
There were people in her life that thought they knew better, especially tonight. Nikolas had called her to invite her to Wyndermere for his annual New Years get together but he didn't even act surprised when she politely turned him down. Well why would he be? She had turned him down for three straight years but maybe he thought tonight would be different. It was beyond her why he would think she would want to celebrate anything tonight.
Her Gram had stopped by; she had been surprised to see her grand-daughter so tired and frail. She pleaded with her to think of herself, she was afraid that her big hearted grand-daughter was going to shut down more than she already had. That the reality she was running from would be too much all at once and she would crumble ceasing to exist.Elizabeth just smiled at her grandmother for she couldn't be upset with her. She just didn't understand. No one did and she was finally at peace with that.
Coming upon the docks Elizabeth froze she hadn't passed this way in years it just held to many memories, it made her feel too much. She felt as if pieces of her were being broken apart and sewn together all at once.
She could almost hear the creak that the steps made when his motorcycle boots came into contact with the wood. She felt that tingle in her shoulders and for a moment she believed that she would turn around and he would be standing there, but sadly she knew better. Just then snow
touched her cheeks and Elizabeth pulled her arms to her chest as she continued on her way.
The corridors of General Hospital were as quiet as they would ever be. The only sounds that ever greeted her were the shuffle of doctors feet as they went from one room to another, the machines beeped from the various rooms that lined the hallway and the booming voice of codes being announced always made her feel small.
She made her way to room 506 nodding her head to the attending nurses who sat at their work stations shuffling papers. They nodded back to her, they knew by now that she just wanted to be left alone and they gave her the space she needed.
Elizabeth knew her hope, her faith was fading. Everyday she tried to find someway to hold on to it, she needed something anything to hang on to. She needed some sort of sign to tell her that the last three years of her life had a purpose. Right here in front of door 506 she laid everything on the line. She would close her eyes and say a small prayer, at first it had been for a miracle but these days as she brushed her fingers across "J.Morgan 506" it would be for anything.
"Mrs. Morgan, I will be right outside the door if you need me." Johnny offered as he did every night as he helped her take her coat off. He handed it back to her as she extended him a small smile of thanks. He understood that was all she was able to give him because every other part of herself, her strength, her words, her love was for Jason.
She slid through the door, "Hey baby" Elizabeth said as she set her coat and purse down on the chair beside the door. "Are you watching the count down? Less than an hour before the New Year, it looks like we have some decisions to make." Elizabeth tried not to choke on her words as she turned the television down before taking a seat next to the hospital bed.
She still hadn't looked directly at him. She didn't really have to, not to know what she would find. The white of the walls, the blue machines that monitored his heart and kept him breathing, the flowers from his mother that were changed weekly and the pictures on his night table of the Corinthos family. Lastly and most importantly Jason, who just looked as if he was sleeping. He looked peaceful as he lay under white crisp sheets like any moment he would yawn and ask her what's for breakfast.
Before she would look up at him she would ask him just one thing. "Open your eyes for me Jason." Tonight it seemed to mean more and she couldn't keep the desperation from her voice. She reached for his hand as she looked up to find his eyelids like a blanket over his blue eyes.
"Open your eyes… open" then the tears started to turn behind her eyes and her voice caught. "Jason I need you to open your eyes."
The need in her was burning a hole into her very existence. She wasn't in pain, she wasn't angry she had been through those emotions to the point where she threw cups at nurses, where she yelled and cursed out friends and family. She had begged the sky and did everything in power to get Jason out of a coma. She had gone so far that at one point the nurses had to pull her off him when she tried to shake him out of it.
That was the night that the Quartermaines had come to plead with her to just let him go. -Pull the plug- that's what they had said, how barbaric, how insensitive, couldn't they see that the beautiful man in the bed had so much more life in him. Couldn't they see that Jason was just doing things on his own terms, like he always did? No one told him how to live his life and it wasn't going to start now.
Edward had called her selfish. She was only prolonging the inevitable and making it harder for everyone. The old man had threatened her with lawsuits but she stood firm, was she the only one thinking of Jason? Emily had pulled them out of the room right before Elizabeth began to shake with overwhelment. She found herself pleading with Jason to wake up, shaking him so his eyes, his hands, something would respond but it had only brought nurses into the room to pull her off of him.
Epiphany had made the nurses leave the room once they had set Elizabeth down in a chair across from the hospital bed. She had held Elizabeth when she had began to cry for the first time since the night Jason had been brought into the hospital. She rocked her for hours that night. She cried until her legs shook, till her voice was unrecognizable, until her eyes felt hollow … that had been a year ago.
As Elizabeth sat beside the hospital bed recalling that night she could feel her doubts bottle up within her. Nothing had changed from that moment till this very second. Had she been right to hold on to Jason this long?
"I need you Jason, damnit I can't keep doing this. I don't know what am doing anymore I only know that I am dying without you; don't let this happen to us." She ran her hand up his arm until her fingers slid over his heart. She laid her head on his chest, "You told me that you would come back to me, you promised. Don't you remember?
Elizabeth would never be able to forget.
Like many nights before the phone rang in the middle of the night. It was only once person and it was never good. "When?" Jason's voice was small in the large room. Elizabeth turned her body to find Jason's back highlighted by the moonlight facing her. She could barely hear what he was saying but the way his back was tensed up sent shivers down her spine.
That's when she felt it, her heart twist in her chest as if God himself was trying to tell her something. She sat up on her knees and wrapped her arms around his waist as she laid her head on his back. Then she heard the click of the phone hang up, "Don't go!"
Jason clasped his hands over hers, "Elizabeth…. Don't!"
She kissed his back before nuzzling her body further into him. "Not tonight Jason." He quickly got up turning on the light. "Elizabeth you told me you would never ask me that." Her arms still in front of her from where he had been just moments before were paralyzed in front of her. "Over the last five years Jason have I ever asked you to stay?"
He shook his head no before pulling his jeans on. He looked at her in that way that told her that he was sorry that he didn't have the right words to give her. "I have to go Elizabeth … I have to go."
She stood up before him and that's when she felt it again, her heart twist so hard that she held onto the bed posts to regain her balance. She had to make him stay. "Jason, baby, I know the risks of this life, I know the deal but I have this feeling you just have to stay."
He slipped his shirt over his head without looking at her before turning around and heading out the bedroom door.
Elizabeth grabbed the bottom of her long night gown and quickly followed him. Before she descended the stairs she called out to him, "I never ask you for anything but tonight am asking you to put us first, at least once."
Jason put the gun between his back and jeans before facing her. "I always choose us." He sounded hurt by her accusation but she was angry now and didn't care. "Well it doesn't feel like it when am left in the middle of the night or during dinner or …"
He took a few steps up towards her, stopping and then taking the last two so he stood eye level with her. "Cant you see I do that for us, for you, to keep you safe. My life is dangerous and I am thankful everyday that you think that I am worth it to risk your life because you do everyday you decided to be with me. So in order for it to never touch you I have to go because if anything were to happen to you I would die."
Elizabeth slipped her arms around his waist as he pulled her close. She slid onto her tip toes to kiss his lips, "If anything were to happen to you I would crumble Jason." He pulled her back in close, "No you wouldn't you're strong Elizabeth, stronger than you know." He bent down and kissed her before heading for the penthouse door.
"Don't ever make me find out Jason, just come back to me." He smiled at her with his eyes so bright and honest. "I promise Mrs. Morgan."
Life was full of a lot of what ifs. What if she had argued more with him, what if she had locked the door and thrown away the key. Then maybe she wouldn't have had to open the door to find Sonny and Carly with red rimmed eyes. They didn't have to say anything, she could see it all in their faces, and her knees hit the floor before Sonny could catch her.
She can barely remember the doctors telling her that her husband had been shot three times. All she could feel was her heart shattering in slow motion.
"Its one minute to midnight find that someone special and start the New Year right."
The sound of the television brought Elizabeth out of the haze she had been swimming in. She kissed Jason's hand, "Jason you kept your promise to me. You came back to me in all the ways that count. I can hold your hand, I can kiss you, I can talk to you but I know that you are just holding on for me because am not ready to let you go. I just want you to know that I never will let you go."
Elizabeth raised his warm hand to her heart, "You're right here Jason …. Always. Now I want you to do me one last favor," Elizabeth couldn't hold back her tears she let them fall from her tired eyes. "I need you to find your peace." She had thought that it would never have to come to this but life was never the way you planned it. She couldn't fault it for that because if life was a straight line then she never would have found Jason. "I love you Jason … I love you." She didn't know if he could hear her but that didn't matter now.
The "Do Not Resuscitate" papers sat heavy on the side table.
She looked back at Jason taking his hand from her heart and placing it by his side.
She didn't even hear the nurse come in. "Mrs. Morgan, did you sign the papers?"
The pen was shaking in her hand as she tried to hold her breath thinking it would hold back her emotions but it just made them stronger.
She heard the doctor outside the hospital room with Monica and Emily answering last minute questions.
"Mrs. Morgan, the doctor is ready when you are."
Jason looked so peaceful. He would forgive her for not being strong enough to wait forever, wouldn't he?
The pen felt like a brick tied to her fingers as she signed "Elizabeth".
She closed her eyes saying one last prayer.
"Elizabeth" Her eyes opened as the pen dropped from her hand, her whole body was in slow motion and her heart pulsed for the first time in years at the sight of blue eyes looking back at her."Elizabeth" His voice was shaky and new, it was almost impossible to make out that he was saying her name. She stood up the papers falling from her lap.
"Jason?" She touched his face, his eyes, his lips and they all vibrated with life under her hands. "Jason?" Her hand settling on his heart, he smiled at her with that smirk that had been nothing but a memory a few minutes ago. "Elizabeth ….. I missed you" His hand like a brush of wind wiped away the tears that fell from her eyes.
She felt a hand on her back and she reluctantly looked away to find the doctor behind her. "Happy New Years Mrs. Morgan."
Elizabeth smiled looking back at her husband, "I believe it will be."